Dating tips for shy boys
Learning that it’s perfectly possible to be introverted, if not exactly shy, alleviated a lot of anxiety for me.
As Cain writes on her website, “Shyness and introversion are not the same thing.
Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, and introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments.” This alone was a revelation for me.
It took me the better part of a decade to figure it out, and even now I can’t claim to be an expert.
But I’ve certainly come a long way since my days as a timid and intimidated 21-year-old.
For years I felt like some anti-social hermit because I got uncomfortable at big parties or in other stimulating social situations.
Next time you’re in a situation where you have to choose between keeping to yourself or striking up a conversation with a stranger, try to remember that they probably want you to make the first move as much as you want them to.that I realized just how different introversion and shyness are.
You’re not the only shy, introverted person – far from it.I was so fixated on the (very) small number of people who actually are naturally social, I couldn’t see the hundreds of average, introverted and shy people lined up behind them.Over time I realized that I actually had pretty average people skills, and many people who I came into contact with were either average, or even below average.I’d see naturally extroverted people easily bouncing around at bars and pubs, meeting new people and saying hi to their many friends, and feel overwhelmed with feelings of envy and shame that I just “wasn’t like that.” Years later, I must have looked like a cartoon character when I read Dale Carnegie’s for the first time – I could practically feel the light bulb springing to life above my head and illuminating me.Among the many things that book illuminated for me, the most fundamental was this: people skills are just that – skills.My failure to understand how both those things could be true caused me a lot of cognitive dissonance and discomfort.