Dating someone who is going through a divorce
So if you were talking about the trash issue, you’d say something like, “When you forget to take out the trash, it makes me feel upset because I’m trying to keep our home nice.” This opens up the conversation for a more collaborative solution, rather than simply trying to bring your partner down. brought up that trash issue, a natural reaction might be to counterattack with something like: “You’re crazy! ” In the Gottman Method, this is referred to simply as “defensiveness.” It's yet another factor that makes it impossible to have a productive conversation about the issue at hand. “The antidote is taking responsibility, even for a small piece of it,” says Mc Nulty.
Mc Nulty encourages his patients to get in the habit of pointing out two or three good things about their partner every week.
“The hope is to move from contempt to creating a culture of appreciation." RELATED: 7 Things People In Long-Term Relationships Know About Great Sex “Umm hi, are you even listening to me?
In fact, studies from the Gottman Institute show that 80% of couples who tested out these remedies reported improvements in their relationship.
“When people realize that a certain percentage of the time, you’re going to be in conflict with your partner, they’re much better able to compromise and work together," says Mc Nulty.
“Do some deep breathing or watch a stupid TV show or take a walk—whatever it is that helps you relax,” Mc Nulty suggests.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's split has dominated the news cycle for the last two days, shocking fans and close friends alike (sorry, George Clooney).
I don't think there is any real book to prepare you for divorce, as each person's experience is so unique.“But what we’ve found is often they’re overwhelmed by the discussion and don’t quite know what to do.” When it comes to stonewalling, Mc Nulty suggests a simple fix: Realize one of you is feeling overwhelmed and figure out how to tackle the conversation in a way that’s more approachable for both parties.RELATED: 19 Reasons You Don't Want to Have Sex Anymore Remember Mc Nulty's comment that “relationships end more by ice than by fire”?RELATED: 30 Signs You're In a Toxic Relationship If you’re feeling attacked by a partner, your knee-jerk response might be to clap back at all the criticism. Going back to the trash scenario, a better reply would be: “You’re right, I could remember to take the trash out more often, I’m going to write a reminder on my phone so I don’t forget.” This approach shows you’re willing to work as a team to solve the problem, Mc Nulty explains.RELATED: 29 Days to a Healthier Relationship The biggest predictor of divorce is none other than contempt, says Mc Nulty. “And when you pour too much acid on love, at some point there’s not going to be any love left.” You can see contempt appear in the form of a nasty comment, eye rolling, or a subconsciously raised upper lip in a look of disgust.Something seemingly trivial like forgetting household chores, for example, could be skewed as "You don’t care about our home since you never remember to take out the trash." The easy fix for this lowest form of nagging is re-framing your frustrations into “I” statements, says Mc Nulty.